Thursday, 23 April 2020

You are my constant!

You are my warmth,

You are my solace,

You are everything I ever wanted,

You are the music to my chords.

Why can't you be my constant?

Remind me of times when I run to you,

For every fight I had,

For every mess I got myself into,

All you said was it's going to be fine.

And it brought back the courage and pulled me through,

I see you wanting the same things as me,

Then why can't you be my constant?

I can't fight anymore,

Do it on my behalf,

I can't win this,

Only you can make me laugh,

Because you are my constant.

For my cheeks ache with fake smiles,

My heart is as cold as dry ice,

We walked for long and enough,

Hoping things would change for better,

All i see is a dark tunnel,

With us sitting in separate handcars,

Running for our dreams amidst a war,

Racing not towards but against the wind,

Chasing not one but two different dreams.

Shifting dilemma if you are my constant,

I may give up,

I may kill the fun,

I may be a bitter soul,

But i am hoping every moment,

That you be my constant.

Monday, 13 April 2020

Until you start to live again...

It never matters how much you cry,
It never stops hurting no matter how much it hurt before,
It never changes even when you stay still for a while,
It never gets better no matter how much you fight.
But your eyes understand emotions after a certain while,
But your heart stops hurting and learns to slowly recover from wounds,
But you take a break to breathe and prepare yourself to walk again,
But you learn to fight and survive better than last.
You never forget to love who left,
You never unlive memories you regret,
You never undo what isn't right for you before it  begins,
You never understand why things don't go your way.
But somehow someone else becomes equally important,
But bad memories somehow start to fade away,
But it starts to seem wrong when things go awry,
But experience takes over and you stop complaining.
It never seems to be the same for everyone no matter how closely related you are,
It never burns less no matter how many times you go through flames,
It never becomes easy to jump off the cliff no matter how many times you dived in,
It never comes back to life no matter how many times you water the scorched plant.
But you learn from what they go through and handle things better,
But you know what didn't kill you made you stronger,
But you plunge head first into water knowing you can fight anything,
But you sow seeds of dying plants and let it reborn again.
It never...
But...
It never...
But...
This goes on...
Forever...
Until you start to live again...!

Saturday, 8 December 2018

Office: A so called second home!

Source: Pixabay
A workplace and second home are seen as synonyms by so many people in the world. The idea comes from a straightforward calculation of spending 40 or sometimes more hours at the office. But very few remain lucky in not standing amidst office politics more than once in life.
More than half percent of the working class is either tricked into office politics or hold the crown in ruining the much-coveted work-life balance for others. While it's tough to decide for who's on which side of the swing, it is easy to tell when it starts affecting us.

Humans tend to react late to almost everything. Like when relationships turn bad, we often procrastinate in contemplating or discussing the differences until it becomes impossible to deal with the discomfort any longer. In a much similar way, the office is that crucial part of life which remains fruitful only until we see ourselves surrounded by dirty politics. And when the most dreadful times hover around, we tend to neglect and overlook an increase in its impact on us with each passing day.

We spend almost ninety percent of our daytime in the office. Sure, there is always a remuneration in return of the sweat-dropping hard work. But is it worth sacrificing our peace of mind? Just because there exists a world which approves us only with a chart of a successful career that we deal with and digest the traumatizing office politics and sometimes even made to carry out the same.
Source: Pixabay


What is the way out? Are we supposed to trick ourselves and others into the ugly game of work-saving politics? Or we give in and decide to be a sufferer? If none of the above is the option, then are we to walk out of such a toxic environment? If yes, then who is at the losing end if not us?

There is decidedly less that you can do if you are at the receiving end of the office mischief. Even walking out seems like the end of the world because if you quit, it feels like a compromise with your hard-earned position at work.

With that being said, there seems no way out to peacefully live at insanely driven second home. Either you choose to cream your way up the ladder, and time and again bargain with the work traders or walk out before the toxic environment kill your moral conscience or you! But you can at least follow specific steps to keep yourself composed.

Source: Flickr

1. Stay strong & Ignore

If office struggles are becoming too hard to handle, try to remain calm at the front, even if a wave of anxiety remains inside. Try and let go of things by ignoring them and making them not stay in your thoughts at least after you've stepped out of the office.

Source: Pixabay


2. Meditate, Meditate and Meditate

I am one of those people who even in 27 years of her life has not been able to perform meditation traditionally. Over time, I learned my ways to calm myself. The best meditation for me is listening to Country Music. Find out yours and do that. Trust me; it always helps in dealing with all sorts of troubles in life.



3. Breathe and walk away

The last will be to walk out of a toxic environment. There's no perfect timing for that. It comes in the best way possible. If staying put at an office cost you more than the money you're earning, walking out remains the best decision. We don't realize that uncomfortable surroundings tie us with one knot of stress at a time. The sooner we start dealing with reality, the higher are the chances for us to make a deciding call.

Monday, 15 October 2018

A Banker's Daughter!


She stared at the email message on her computer, her mind racing so fast that the words blurred together and no longer made any sense. Just three lines, but enough to make her life--the life she’d worked so hard and sacrificed so much to build--begin to crumble around her. Gathering her wit after an hour or so, Maya raised from the chair, calm and resolute as if she just woke up from a slumber, walked back to a corner of her bedroom, took off an old, shredded painting of Mona Lisa from the wall, took a pen and canceled the digit 14 on a calendar hanging at the same spot where the painting was!

Maya did you wake up already, "her mother shouted from the kitchen." It's past 9, don't you have to dress up and leave for office. Maya still staring at the struck-out 14, suddenly moved her eyes to 15, as ardently as a child looks at the world striving to make sense out of it. Hearing footsteps of her mother heading towards her room, she immediately hung back the painting, wiped away any possible signs of tears, and shouted back to stop her from coming inside. "Yes Maa, I am just going for a bath now." Her mother almost at the door, leaned in checking if she was fabricating things from her bed.


Maya is the most pampered member of the family. Her father, Mr. Nataraj, a retired banker, has huge expectations from Maya. He always wanted her to follow his footsteps and more. She, being the only child, never said no to her father for anything.

"Maya, How is work these days?" asked her father. "It is going great, Dad," replied Maya vigilant of her appearances. Leaving her plate half-done, she got up and grabbed her purse to head out as she was trying to escape a conversation with her father. "Finish what's left on your plate," said Maya's Mother. "I am full Maa. I have a client waiting at the bank." She ran out as promptly as she could, grappling to not appear anxious. Maya is a Manager at one of the most prestigious banks in India. Her Dad, a retired DGM from the same bank, couldn't have been more proud of the daughter.

She had accumulated several accolades and promotions for her operational excellence in Retail Banking in just three years of her joining. It was in her blood, praised all. She was 25 when she gave up on her dreams for a truce with what her father wanted. How could she possibly say no to her father? She turns 31 next week.

I will tell him what I have done, thought Maya looking at few papers at the bank.

Do you need anything else, Ms. Maya,? asked Mr. Mehta, one of the renowned clients that continued business with the bank because of Maya's eager involvement in the tasks assigned.

Maya still drawing a circle on her desk, thinking of the disappointment she will impose on her father once she tells him the truth.

Do you still require anything else? emphasized Mr. Mehta in a tone little louder than before.

Embarrassed, Maya replied no, not looking him in the eye. Everything is up to date Mr. Mehta. I will personally inform you once the formalities are done.

Ok. I will wait to hear from you. Have a nice day ahead, said Mr. Mehta leaving the room.

"Are you leaving early today?" asked Meena, one of the colleagues at Bank.

Yes, I have to take care of something at home. I have been procrastinating long enough, replied Maya without slowing down her pace as she walked towards the exit.

O...K, Meena could only utter these two letters before Maya disappeared like chaff blown by the wind.

"Are you fine? You are usually the last one to enter the home," inquired her mother.


"Yes Maa, I have something urgent to speak with you and Papa," replied Maya.


"Your dad's not home, he has gone out with your uncle Vinod. Your Uncle has chosen someone for Binesh; if everything goes well, we will have a wedding to attend in the next two months. And then very soon, it will be you starting your life with someone new," Maya's mother kept on babbling until she realized that Maya is no longer in the same room.

Maya locked her room from inside, took off the painting from the wall and gawked at digit "15" continuously enough for an hour or so. She finally dragged a chair adjacent to the window and sat down there looking out for her father. "When will you come home, Papa?" she murmured.

It was past 9 when she dozed off at the chair, her hand sliding halfway out of the window. Her mother had come and knocked twice to ask her what's wrong? But she didn't want to speak about it until in front of her father. She woke up from the noise of brakes hit too hard, she knew it was her dad, who else puts brakes callously. Maya had often reproached him for doing that.

Maya heard her father's voice, giggling on the phone, she grabbed her wit and ran out of her room. Her father had barely entered the main door when she shouted, "I can't do it! I am sorry, but I just can't do it anymore. Her father, not knowing the situation, took his step back and waited at the entrance for Maya to finish.

Maya's mother came out running from the kitchen as she heard her squealing. What is going on, Maya? Why are you yelling at your father?

She is not yelling Radha. She is just tensed about something that happened at the bank, answered Mr. Nataraj, still standing at the entrance with a box of sweets in his hand.

No, It is not about the Bank. Papa. It is about me, about what I want. I am resigning from the Bank. I have put in my resignation in the bank today, said Maya, dreading the consequences of what she just said.

"What are you talking about? How is that even possible? You love Banking. You are so good at it," replied Radha, her father still analyzing the whole situation to frame what went wrong at the Bank.

No, I don't. Papa does. I hate banking. And I have always been good because I was terrified of disappointing my family. I want to work in advertising. She ran back to her room, took off the calendar and threw it on the table. This is what I had actually wanted to do. Fourteen failed attempts at the entrance examination of I.G University because I did not have the courage to tell my parents about my dreams. Maa, you know, why I looked at the commercials more than the programs? It is because I craved for being a conceptualizer for those commercials. I failed at every attempt because I was too scared to focus. I didn't want to disappoint, Maa and Papa. I have kept it inside for 14 years, I can't anymore. I want to study advertising. That is where I dream to be. Please forgive me.

Maya sat on the floor, crying like a child sobs for a toy. Her mother ran towards her to console her. Dear Maya, why didn't you tell us earlier, we would have discussed it. You could have pursued culinary if you wanted, we just want our daughter to be happy. What do you say, dear, she asked her husband who was no longer standing at the door. The box of sweets was spilled all over the floor, they heard the screeching sound from the garage. Her father had left without saying a word.

Maya ran back to her room and locked it to herself. Her mother kept banging on the door pleading her to open, calling her husband with the phone in one hand. The call went unanswered six times. She finally gave up on both, knowing how stringent both were.

It was 11 am. Someone rang the doorbell. Maya's mother, who had slouched on the sofa waiting for her husband, hurried to open it.

Where were you, why did you leave like that?

Where is she? asked the father,

He walked towards Maya's room, knocked on the door, quite gracefully, Maya open up, it is me.

The door opened. Father and daughter both looked into each other's eye, not blinking for quite some time. For the first time in 14 years, Maya didn't seem afraid to look back in her father's eye. She had nothing to hide.
This is for you, said Mr. Nataraj, handing over papers in Maya's hand.
Maya saw University of Florida, Gainsville, written on one of the forms. It was one of the top 5 universities for studying advertising in the world. There were forms from other universities as well. Speechless, Maya looked back to her father, who only stood to say, "I have lived my dream. Go live yours!" 

Saturday, 16 December 2017

Thoughts of my Life!

  1.  Don't try so hard to fit into someone else's shoes that you forget what size fits you!
  2. Be positive & good will come! 
  3. Sometimes when your best friends are being foolish, you have to tie them up to your car, drag them around for 50 miles, get them admitted in a hospital, where they can do nothing but think about how foolish they were being before!
  4. Life is a joke.... while people around you are comedians, you are a subject...!!
  5. People change, so did I!
  6. A day without work is a day without worth!
  7. No matter what you do in life, you will always find yourself standing between the two lines!
  8. There is no point of waiting for someone who isn't even walking in your direction!
  9. Gratitude turns what we have into enough!

Sunday, 9 July 2017

A Fortunate Stroke of Serendipity!

Everyone aspires to go on a solo trip once in a lifetime. It is one of the coveted beauties of life or more precisely - "carpe diem." Well, my solo trip didn't turn out to be exactly as I had anticipated, but it was definitely rejuvenating.
This trip was supposed to take place 3 months ago, but due to unforeseen circumstances, it was postponed until the first week of July when one of my close friends was getting hitched.
It was a spontaneous resolution to merge my solo trip with my friend's destination wedding as I like to term it. Surely a destination, few kilometers from lofty hills around the Haldwani's skyline. 
The itinerary looked anchored! One day exploring the panoramic views of Nainital and another strolling by the "Teen Taals" - Bheemtaal, Nakuchitaal, and Suryataal putting the wedding functions on schedule intact. Wait! Did I inform the weather that it wasn't supposed to screw up? I forgot! 
Anyway, with walls of water between me and my desires, there was no way I could climb up to my destination. As a result, nothing could go about as planned, but who knew I would be spending the most amazing days of my life with people I simply adored being with. I met really simple yet elegant people my time away at Haldwani. They were absolutely insane if I am to place it candidly.
Despite my unwritten voyage to the unlisted spots during my day, my time with these people gave me the most cosseted memories of the trip.
With Mamta getting hitched to "the love of her life" - arrange-cum-love - "wink face," I did not imagine myself playing games such as "Chidiya Udd, Dumb Charades and let's see who dances the most - unraveling the secrets of a happy childhood. 
These people - Charu (Radiant Bride's sister), Tanya (Cousin Doll Sister), Yashu(often Smacked Brother), Monu (Enigmatic Cousin), Nitish (Impish Murga), Di (Adorable Bride's Sister), Jiju (Candid Bro-in-Law), Riyansh (Di-Jiju's notorious son who decided on not speaking with me during the entire trip) Hema (Reserved Cousin Sister), Harish (Loquacious Cousin), Sonu (Mr. Undaunted Cousin), Sunil (Ethical & Modest Cousin) and Vicky (Earnest Cousin), and of course, all the elder members of the family who insisted on incorporating me in every event. They made a lasting impression. It is past belief how families I thought of as strangers a day before became comrades of my trip!
I shared my own sort of moments with these much-loved souls that made me realize the integrity they held within.
Notwithstanding that it wouldn't have been possible if I did not have Mamta who is as obstinate and lovable as friends can be. If she hadn't forced me, I would have missed on meeting this wonderful covey of quail!

Wednesday, 28 June 2017

An Unusual Morning in Mumbai!

Taking a jog, more often a walk at Queen’s Necklace made me realize one thing each morning, why can’t it be this quiet for the rest of the day? Within an hour of a morning stroll, I see Marine Drive teeming with scrambled screams of thousands of vehicles elbowing their way to the proposed destinations.


As soothing the long walks on tiled pathways going down the shore seem in the morning, as remains the desire to bottle it all up for a peaceful day ahead. That isn't possible in Mumbai! At least that is what I thought until one of my friends recently shifted to a place in South Mumbai called "Mahim."

On the Housewarming Ceremony, a bunch of us decided to stay the night. In the morning as my routine holds me as an early riser, I decided to trot my way in the neighborhood. To start with, I realized the morning in South Mumbai is different than my usual at Marine Drive. Mahim has a charming persuasion in its atmosphere. The first thing to witness was Bandra-Worli Sea Link subsuming in the sunrise with a welcoming serenity to lay eyes on! It is a perfect view to start one's day! It hardly feels like the sprinting and hasty mornings of Mumbai at Mahim. The calm and composed neighborhood, the few miles away convenience store and the harmonious walk glaring the sea-view made it worth a stay at Mahim! I know where I can be for random morning saunters!

Thursday, 8 June 2017

Life is like a metro!


Life is like a metro,
Board a new journey,
Deboard at the desired station and stay for a while,
Strive and travel across the struggles to reach your goal,
Get along with strangers and sometimes, some of them entertain you for a while,
Some of them stay forever too (best friends)
Once you think, you have come far from home,
Once you think, you have lost your way,
Take the same metro to return to where you started,
Take the same metro to start anew.
Climb a new mountain,
Set a new destination,
Because
Life is like a metro.

Tuesday, 25 April 2017

A life of optimism!

Is it possible?
A wonderful confusion,
A teetering glow,
A smile amidst scepticism,
A faith built beneath the storm,
An ocean dwarfing the mountains,
A rain dropping by the dessert,
A life born out of the dead,
Is it possible?
Is it possible?
A gam of sharks?
A sheep amidst the cupboard of pandas,
A lion not scavenging but caressing wildebeests,
A hawk nesting on a sapling,
Is it possible?
Is it possible?
A successful loser,
A witty dumbster,
A knowledgeable ignorant,
A king/queen of nowhere,
Is it possible?
Is it possible?

Monday, 24 April 2017

Another You

Your hands in mine,
I gaze over with eyes wide open,
Coffee by our side,
Squinting at the sky,
Will it rain today?
For it has been long since it rained
Having you by my side,
I had scrambled down the street,
Looking out for you until,
I found you, there in the corner
Of a store, much tattered and old-fangled in its looks,
Nevertheless, I jumped with glee,
Having twinkled eyes akin to a long, bright smile
For there seems no end,
Let's stay in the bed together,
And engulf in the stories you tell,
But what once you hold no more,
What will I do?
Then & there,
I must look out for "another you."